Posts

Is God Actually 'Good'

Image
   Every now and then I get to share my testimony with people. Sometimes its the quick and dirty version and sometimes it's the lengthy and detailed version. But the outline is always the same: traumatic childhood leading me to question God's goodness (or even the existence of God), followed by my destructive and damning habits of early adulthood as I was searching for some kind of acceptance or satisfaction, leading into late college when I felt this unusual feeling of guilt/conviction and a call to obedience, and eventually ending at the moment I found myself on the carpet of my loft apartment surrendering to the Jesus that I found holding me and whispering to me, "Child, my love for you has nothing to do with your circumstances."     It all suddenly made sense to me in a way that only those who have truly experienced that power of the Holy Spirit can understand. In the duration of a few months (or even in a few hours), I didn't become any wiser or more schol

Paralytic Passions, Crippling Contentment

Image
Sometimes we forget. The real estate agent forgets the emotion that comes with buying a first home. The doctor forgets the fear that comes along with a diagnosis of cancer.  The teacher forgets the internal struggle that comes with falling behind in class.  The married forget the overwhelming feeling of loneliness. The parent forgets the idling time of childlessness.  According to google, the definition of contentment is a state of satisfaction. With that being said, the definition of discontentment means dissatisfaction of one's circumstance. To be dissatisfied means to have disapproval, disaffection, or vexation.  Scripture talks a lot about seeking, expecting, waiting, asking, and hoping. I don't think it means that we are discontent if we are working toward or longing for something different. It's important to evaluate what our desires are and why we desire them, but desires in themselves are not evidence of discontentment or lack of faith.  I am sa

The Other Woman

Image
She's stunning -- beautiful even without make-up. She's brave and strong but meek and effortlessly submissive. She's inquisitive but never argumentative. She has mastered the art of motherhood having never bore a child herself. She is intelligent and helpful but in the perfect harmony that she never portrays arrogance. She knows what she believes but also remains malleable for the Lord to continue teaching her. She's alluring but always modest. Fluently, she carries an aura of grace while illuminating an enduring spirit. She eloquently pursues holiness but never invades boastfulness or overconfidence. Vanity is far from her but she never fails to captivate. Her wisdom is beyond her while she continues to seek good judgement outwardly. She's persistent but never abrasive. She's transparent but shies away from candidness. She has portrayed the humility of the woman at the well absent of any sin that led her there. She's learned the devoutness

The Redemptive Love Affair

Image
Tired. If I had to choose one word to describe my spirit, most days, I would answer with 'tired.' Not that there isn't liveliness, joy, and hunger in my soul-- there is. What I mean to say is that I fail to rest when it's most necessary. Sometimes that's simply my dealt hand, but sometimes it's pride and stubbornness that drives my work-do ways. Ruth. If I could compare myself to any woman in the bible, it would be Ruth. I think her spirit was tired, too. See, she was a Moabite. Which means she served a god that wasn't the Lord. (Chemosh was his name). But in comparison to me, I also served a god that wasn't the God I serve today. That god manifested in many different forms: pride, arrogance, charm, bitterness, unforgiveness-- you name it and it was probably a god of mine. Ruth seems strong-willed and slightly dogmatic. She was married to Mahlon who died along with his brother, Chilion. The Mosaic law states that when a man dies, his brother is to

When God Doesn't Seem Good

Image
"I cry to you for help and you do not answer me; I stand and you only look at me. You have turned cruel to me; with the might of your hand you persecute me." Job 30:20-21 I have doubted his goodness. In fact, I've doubted his goodness more than not. I'm ashamed to admit it, but I have called God a bully and wrestled with his intentions in prayer. I have accused him of being a horrific beast who is basking in my anguish. I've imagined him on his glorious throne with a bowl of extra buttery Orville Redenbacher waving his magic wand ushering the rain to keep pouring. The storms are sudden and they are so constant that it's caused a flood and I'm left stranded without a vessel. Assuming there's even somewhere that it could take me where the land is dry and the sun beams down in righteousness. I haven't doubted his power. I have cried out to him reminding him that he could intervene. I have pleaded with him to give mercy on my soul. "How long,

Hippie Jesus: A False Prophet

Image
Throughout the Gospels and New Testament, we see many warnings of false prophets. Scripture says these false prophets will come in sheep's clothing but inwardly will be ravenous wolves (Matt. 7:5). What I understand from that statement is that these teachers will seem genuine. They will not only fool others, but they themselves are fooled! How scary to know that our flesh can so easily be persuaded by such convincing ideas. What I did not realize is that the first greatly impacting false prophet of the 21st century would be jesus himself. I didn't capitalize jesus because I'm not talking about the Jesus of the bible. I'm talking about the jesus that society has conjured up in order to create love, acceptance, and peace. Nothing short of a hippie jesus.  I would have loved to walk the roads with Jesus. I can't imagine literally, with my fleshly feet, following Him. But what I do know is what scripture tells me about Him and what the Holy Spirit intercedes wit

Deconditioned -- Heirs of Grace, Part 2

Image
I once ran a mile in 6 minutes and 32 seconds. It was the fastest mile I ever ran. That was the goal of cross country practice that day-- to run the fastest mile possible. We rarely did that because we usually worked more on endurance (obviously). But I remember that day. I was late to practice (as usual) because I had cheerleading practice right after school. The other team members had already ran their 'fast mile' and were about to start their un-timed mile. I knew I couldn't use their momentum to push me like I usually did. Their muscles were fatigued and the pressure was off. We all took off together. I was usually the 4th runner on our team. I zipped by the 3rd runner and quickly caught up to our top two runners. "This is AWESOME!" I thought. I have never been able to pass up the freshmen girls with the gazelle legs. Of course I was at an unfair advantage, but it revved me up and made me run even faster. Thus, 6:32:00. That was about 7 years ago. But