The Ever-Learning Disciple

It's screaming, fighting, begging, pleading. You need this-- you deserve this. God created you to desire this. Just imagine what it will be like. C'mon, just give in a little. It'll make you happy. This is what I hear. Everyday. All day. My flesh is not only sinful, it's persistent! I can't escape it, I can't fight it, I can't walk away from it. So I give in... Now what? Now I'm alone with my thoughts. What did I sacrifice? What did I gain? How do I feel? Satisfied. I am complacent and satisfied for a moment. Maybe a day, a week, a year? How far did it get me?  Then regret sets in. What have I done? How many people have I hurt? Who knows about it? What do they think of me now? Was it worth it? Love and Attention. Recognition. Stability. Emotive Happiness. Dominance.  What do I want so badly that I'm willing to sacrifice my relationship with others? What can I not seem to live without that I jeopardize my testimony or disappoint my

Things have been hard lately. The weather is cold, my motivation is tanking, and the feelings of loneliness are skyrocketing. I'll be too transparent, then I'll be too hard-hearted, followed by an emotional breakdown that involves an hour or so of uncontrollable tears. What's going on? Lord, what are You trying to accomplish with me right now? Around this time last year, The Lord began giving me an endless cup of grace. For my friends, my family, and even for myself (which for me is a big deal). I was content with my life. My circimstances weren't any different. But I was. I began asking myself why  my attitude and emotions were so much more controlled and pleasant last year, yet as ugly as a naked mole rat now. Here's what I found: 1. I was in the word more. Frankly put, I was more consistent and hungry for time with The Lord. Today I find myself spending my extra time doing frivolous things instead. What's worse is that it even crosses my mind that