No-Good Christian

It's screaming, fighting, begging, pleading. You need this-- you deserve this. God created you to desire this. Just imagine what it will be like. C'mon, just give in a little. It'll make you happy.

This is what I hear. Everyday. All day. My flesh is not only sinful, it's persistent! I can't escape it, I can't fight it, I can't walk away from it. So I give in... Now what?

Now I'm alone with my thoughts. What did I sacrifice? What did I gain? How do I feel? Satisfied. I am complacent and satisfied for a moment. Maybe a day, a week, a year? How far did it get me? 

Then regret sets in. What have I done? How many people have I hurt? Who knows about it? What do they think of me now? Was it worth it?

Love and Attention. Recognition. Stability. Emotive Happiness. Dominance. 

What do I want so badly that I'm willing to sacrifice my relationship with others? What can I not seem to live without that I jeopardize my testimony or disappoint my heavenly father? Just to have a bitter taste of guilt left to linger for much longer than anything sweet ever did. 

The spiritual battle is real. I can see the heavenly sword and flaming pitchfork fencing right in front of me. I know what I'm supposed to do. So why don't I? Because my flesh is strong, but my spirit is weak. I need to build an army. An army that will look at my fleshly desires square in the eye and laugh at their feebleness. An army that can conquer time and time again. Ah, and now the armor of God seems to make more sense. The helmet of salvation and breast plate of righteousness. Those will make me strong enough to fight the daily fight. The sword of the spirit will swear off the temptation to raise my voice and argue. The shield of faith guards against the desire to seek compassion from others in a selfish way. And the belt of truth will help me to distinguish the voice of the Lord from the voice of Satan who seems to dress himself up like Jesus pretty cleverly. But I know Jesus too well. The curve of His nose and the shape of His eyes. Scripture tells me what He looks like. What His spirit feels like. 

I've been fighting others when I should've been fighting myself. I should've been inviting my friends and family to join this army with me. And those who want to join this militia? Let's make them strong and teach them to fight, rather than laughing at their fragile arms so that they walk away discouraged, never to return. My flesh is strong, but my spirit will be stronger!

He is screaming, fighting, begging, pleading. I need Him-- I don't deserve Him. He created me to desire Him. Just imagine what His glory will be like. He is chasing after me-- pursuing me. C'mon, give in to Him. He will make me holy. He will mold me, shape me, and fulfill me more than anything in this world ever could. 

For the desires of the flesh are against the Spirit, and the desires of the Spirit are against the flesh, for these are opposed to each other, to keep you from doing the things you want to do...
...but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.
Galatians 5:17 & Isaiah 40:31

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