Trading Summer

      Tonight the sun will set 30 minutes earlier than it did the beginning of July. The nights are cooler with crisp air, birds are packing up for their seasonal travel, and front porches are newly adorned with pumpkins and hay bells. Ready or not-- Fall is coming. 

      As Autumn emerges, I am reminded of the most important juncture of my 23 year journey on earth. The seasons were changing and I had been walking in the valley for a few years. I had been doing everything I knew to do to pull out of the force field of sin that was preventing me from climbing the mountain in front of me. I walked in obedience (after many years of walking in rebellion), and petitioned the Lord each day to show me more. I pleaded with Him to reveal to me why, even after a year of searching for Him, the temptations were still unbearable and pain was still substantial. "Lord, have I ran out of Your grace?

 Is there any mercy left for me?"

      Three years later, as I drink my morning coffee and quiet my heart, the Lord diligently leads me to a passage in scripture that is so humbling I can barely read it through my lens of tears. 

      "Some sat in darkness and in the shadow of death, prisoners in affliction and in irons, for they had rebelled against the word of God, and spurned the counsel of the Most High. So He bowed their hearts down with hard labor; they fell down, with none to help. Then they cried to the Lord in their trouble, and He delivered them from their distress. He brought them out of darkness and the shadows of death, and burst their bonds apart. Let them thank the Lord for His steadfast love, for His wondrous works to the children of man! For He shatters the doors of bronze and cuts in two the bars of iron." -Psalm 107:10-16

      In retrospect, I can see how true this was for me. As I indulged in what the world was offering me, I thought I was finding a way around the pain. I truly believed I was breaking free of misery I grew up facing every day. But I wasn't. Instead, I was strapping chains to my feet and willingly offering to stand behind iron bars. To this day, I can't tell you how or why I finally looked up to see where I was standing. The Lord had grace for me that I wasn't even asking for. Maybe it was the snide remarks that the apple wasn't falling far from the tree; or maybe it was the example of peers laid before me. In some way or form, I heard Him whisper, "Follow Me." 

"Follow Me."

I finally sat down and got real with God. I stopped pretending I had it figured out and I admitted my faults and my need for direction. I knew my heart was festered with bitterness, suffering, hatred, jealousy, rebellion, and pride. "I live displeasing to You. I profess Your name in vain and have no fruit to offer." I was sickened as I evaluated my heart to see how necrotic and empty it had become. 

"Follow Me."

I still fall short. I still struggle with bitterness, pride, and probably many other things. But I have a Healer who broke the bars of iron that I was standing behind. He tore down the doors of bronze and offered me a life filled with love. His word heals me and His mercy forgives me.

 "Her sins, which were many, have been forgiven." Luke 7:47

As Summer comes to an end and the leaves begin to change, I am reminded of the chance to be renewed. The mountain was never meant to be an obstacle between us and the Lord. It is designed to learn that the only way to climb it is with the the grace and love He pours out for us. Each day is a new beginning. A new opportunity to embrace the Holy Spirit and trust that the changing of life's seasons will lead us to righteousness and transform our hearts from sin to forgiveness. I'll watch the birds flee the cool weather, but I'll stay here and see what this season has to offer.